


So Close (yet, so far)

by inlightofvisa



Series: The McCall-Hale Diaries [22]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Also a bed is shared, And angst is had, As is Allison, M/M, Scott is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 00:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlightofvisa/pseuds/inlightofvisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I have this scene in my head where Stiles and Derek are in Derek’s bed and it looks like Stiles is asleep. Derek tells him that he loves him, but that he can’t tell him when he’s awake because he is not sure if Stiles loves him or if he is just physically attracted to Derek. Then he kisses Stiles and fall asleep then Stiles opens his eyes. - xechada</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All the World Is Gone (when you're in my arms)

**Author's Note:**

> http://indecentdrawer.tumblr.com/post/35007619277/dont  
> If you want the full effect of me writing this, listen to "So Close" by Jon McLaughlin while reading this. And get some tea/a hot drink and a blanket because even though I'm not sure I got the full metric ton of ANGST in here, I'd like to think the music helps a ton. TEARS AND HUGS AND KEESES THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORD VOMIT

“Are you kidding me?!” Stiles asks incredulously as he flops dramatically down on Derek’s bed, flailing limbs and the usual show. “You’re writing a paper over doing things with me, the amazing Motor-Mouth, your illustrious boyfriend?”

“Sorry, I have to finish this,” Derek mumbles as he closes the door behind Stiles. Stiles stretches like a cat on his bed, completely with quiet mewl. Derek rolls his eyes. “In case you thought that was attractive, it wasn’t.”

Stiles grins sheepishly before shifting onto his side.

“Just write your paper, I’ll just lay here.”

“You sure you don’t just want to go hang out with Scott?” Derek asks, curious.

“Um, unless Allison is dead, Scott is never here when I’m here to see you, remember?” Stiles replies, flippantly. He attempts to smile before his face falls.

“Hey, I’ll be done soon and then we can do… something,” Derek finishes lamely. Stiles’ face lights up and he blows Derek a kiss.

“That’s a deposit,” he says, matter-of-factly. Derek plays along and puts it in his jeans pocket.

“You need anything before I get started?” he asks. Stiles shakes his head.

“Well, maybe just music since you’re writing.”

Derek clicks several times before a piano theme wisps its way through the air. Stiles freezes.

“What, is this one not good?”

Stiles shakes his head.

“No, it’s good, I just…”

“Yes, I did hear you playing it before,” Derek says, smiling. “You did it justice.”

“Shut up and work on your paper,” Stiles grouses before throwing a pillow at his boyfriend. Derek huffs a breath of laughter before turning and letting his fingers fly across the keyboard of his laptop.

 _Really, this isn’t so hard_ , he thinks, finishing up his paper. It’s like it wrote itself and with the comforting piano theme playing in the background it hadn’t seemed like long. And then Derek looks at the clock and realizes it’s been two hours.

“Shoot, Stiles, I’m—”

And Stiles is there, just drooling away on Derek’s pillow. Derek finds himself fondly annoyed. He gets up and kneels in front of his bed, elbows on the mattress in front of Stiles.

“Hey,” he says, “That’s my pillow you’re drooling on. You’re disgusting.”

And right as disgusting tumbles from his lips, Derek feels something warm squeeze at his heart, something like sparks chase up and down his spine like it’s a hopscotch court for thunderbolts. He shivers, his hands shake, and he feels his mouth quirking upward into a smile. A small, quiet thing.

“You’re so gross,” he repeats, lifting a hand and rubbing it across Stiles’ head. “But I love you anyway.”

Derek doesn’t realize the gravity of his statement until nothing but the hum of his computer answers him. He laughs a bit to himself, continuing to brush his hands over Stiles’ hair.

“This is the part where you laugh and say you’re only here for the abs, just like…” Derek blinks, swallows, and looks down at his hands. “Just like Kate.”

Stiles stirs but continues to dwell in the land of the unconscious, and Derek lets out a breath.

“Just… just please, don’t, okay?”

He gets up, pulls his blankets over Stiles, and the walks over to flick off the lights.

“G’night, Stiles,” Derek says as he clambers over his boyfriend and under the covers. He wraps an arm around Stiles’ chest.

* * *

Stiles doesn’t open his eyes until Derek’s breath has evened out. Derek’s arms hug him close to Derek’s insanely muscular chest, and he can feel more than hear Derek’s slow breathing. Stiles squeezes his pillow, trying to will himself not to make any noises. He finally decides to let his hands drift down towards’ Derek’s, lacing them together like a knot that he hopes never to undo.

“I’m not in this just for your body,” Stiles says quietly. “I’m in this because you are the most beautiful, messed up, cranky soul I’ve ever met, and you make me want to be better. You make me want to make you be better. And you’re the only one who listens anymore.” He squeezes Derek’s hands softly. “And Derek, you giant ass, you giant lovable _fine_ piece of ass, I love _you_.” 


	2. Almost Believing (this one's not pretend)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://indecentdrawer.tumblr.com/post/35083292680/tomorrow-maybe  
> Can we get Stiles wanting to say I love you for the first time, but the day he decides to say it, Derek gets into some sort of accident, and Stiles believes that if he loves someone, they get hurt - forthesakeofblasphemy  
> I refuse to do any more hospital scenes so I hope this works and explains his reluctance. Continuation of Don’t because a lot people asked for it.
> 
> OH MY GOD YOU GUYS  
> I ACTUALLY SCREECHED AT MY COMPUTER BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS REALLY DOWN TO ME TO WRITE THE REST OF THIS

Stiles stirs in bed before getting up, not being one to ever deny nature its course when it comes to his bladder. He pads across Derek’s room, slides through the door, and tiptoes across the hallway to the bathroom. He flicks the light on and looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes are still full of grogginess and that’s… dried drool on the corner of his mouth. Yuck. He pees and then washes his hands, letting the lukewarm water run between his fingers.

“You’re going to tell Derek you love him,” Stiles mutters at his reflection. His mirror image mouths the words mockingly but no noise comes out. Stiles frowns and bites his lip. The mirror copies him, but then Stiles turns out the lights and the mime is gone. He shuffles slowly across the hallway and back to Derek’s room, sitting back down on Derek’s bed. He’s not entirely sure how long he’s been that way, but somehow Derek blinks awake.

“Stiles?” he asks, voice gravelly and eyes sleepy. “What are you doing up? It’s still dark out.”

Stiles clambers over the covers and into Derek’s lap.

“Needed to pee but then I couldn’t get back to sleep,” he says, relishing Derek’s body heat. Derek pulls him into his chest, resting Stiles’ head on his shoulder. “Sorry I woke you up.”

Derek leans against Stiles’ head, and Stiles can feel Derek smiling into his hair.

“No need to apologize,” he says softly, drawing Stiles into his arms and then leaning back so they’re both horizontal on the bed. “As long as you’re okay.”

Stiles bites his lip again.

“Derek, I…”

“Yeah?”

The moment that the jade green of Derek’s eyes hits Stiles full on, he loses his bravado. His tongue gets stuck and his heart races, trying to get away from the nonexistent threat that is Derek McCall-Hale, probably one of the gooiest people alive.

“I…”

Derek continues to look at Stiles, a small grin creeping in at the edges of his mouth. Stiles sighs melodramatically before rolling slightly off Derek’s chest and onto the bed sheets, tucking his head under Derek’s chin.

“I just wanted to say that I really love the color purple,” he ends up saying, ears flaming hot.

“Purple,” Derek says, slightly amused. He reaches for Stiles’ hand.

“Yep,” Stiles replies, matter-of-factly. “So much that it’s scary.”

“Weirdo,” Derek grunts, voice getting slightly heavier. “Why purple?”

Stiles waits until Derek’s done yawning to answer.

“Not gonna tell you right now! Always keep them waiting,” he says childishly. He pokes Derek’s cheek. “Now go to bed, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Haha,” Derek mumbles. “Tomorrow, then.”

* * *

 

Stiles wakes up to the frantic ringing of a phone in his ear. He stretches, shivering as he hits a cold patch under the covers. Which is strange, because…

Stiles’ eyes snap open and he rolls over. Derek’s gone. Which isn’t too unusual, since Derek likes to make breakfast for Stiles whenever he stays over. He smiles slightly before answering his phone.

“Hello?”

“Stiles, hi, oh my god.”

“Mrs. McCall?”

There are sirens wailing in the background and general chatter. Stiles can hear wheels rolling and something creaking, and this cannot mean anything good. Mrs. McCall doesn’t generally call Stiles for anything. Ever.

“Oh my god, Stiles, please, I need you to get Scott up and you both need to get here because Derek was in an accident, someone hit _Derek_ ,” and then her voice breaks. Stiles starts to choke.

“On it,” he manages to gasp as he fumbles with his phone. His vision tunnels, his arms flail, and his lungs begin to close off. He coughs loudly, smacking the wall behind Derek’s headboard. It ends up making a really unsuccessful bonking noise. Battling for air, he gives the wall one hard smack before he falls out of Derek’s bed and onto the ground. He’s writhing on the ground as the door opens and the last thing he remembers before passing out is Scott’s sleepy face.

* * *

 “Mom, he’s okay,” Scott says. Stiles splutters awake.

“Oh my god, Scott, Scott, Derek was hit by a car and we need to get to the hospital, you need to get dressed, and we need to do this fast, Scott, and you need to get dressed before we go to the hospital because public indecency is not something I need to go see my father for and oh my god-”

Stiles’ lungs start to close off again but this time Scott is quick with an inhaler and strong arms.

“Hey, he’s gonna be okay,” Scott says slowly, holding him tightly. Stiles takes a few gulps of air with the help of the inhaler.

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice trembling. “Oh my god this is all my fault. I was going to tell Derek last night that I love him, like actually for real, and now he’s in the hospital and it’s my fault, just like when I told Mom that I loved her and then she got sent to the hospital and-”

Scott squeezes harder.

“Stiles. Calm down.”

“You’d be freaking out of Allison got hit by a _freaking car_ ,” he says, scrabbling at Scott’s arms. “We need to go, we need to go.” Scott doesn’t budge. “Look, squeezing me harder isn’t going to help or anything.”

“I’m hoping at this point to squeeze all the words out of you,” Scott says dryly before breaking into a smile. Stiles stops rambling and breaks out into a full-blown laugh.

“That… Scott, that was almost genius,” he says. “Something Derek would say.”

“Well, I am his little brother,” Scott says, patting Stiles’ arm as he lets go of his friend. “Now let’s get going. Mom was expecting us like half an hour ago.”

“Holy crap, I was passed out for _that long_?!” Stiles says, flailing his arms. Scott holds his arms open.

“If you don’t calm down, we are going to have to hug again,” he says. Stiles tries to calm down. He really tries. But that’s like asking a hurricane to simmer down. It just doesn’t happen. “The sooner you calm down, the sooner we get to see Derek.”

And how is it that Scott’s suddenly the genius? That stops Stiles’ heart from running the exceedingly painful marathon it was racing in. Scott breathes a sigh of relief.

“Okay, let’s go.” 

* * *

“Are you okay?” is the first thing that comes out of Mrs. McCall’s mouth when she sees Scott and Stiles. Stiles blushes, because seriously? She’s going to be the best mother-in-law ever. “What?”

“What?!” Scott says, eyebrows flying up his forehead. Stiles clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Did I say something,” he squeaks. Mrs. McCall just looks amused.

“Just know you have my blessing, even though it’s _far too early_ ,” she jokes, smiling a little. “Derek’s in room 20.”

The three of them walk down the hallway and then Mrs. McCall opens the door to Derek’s room. Derek is attached to a mess of wires and hoses.

“How’s he doing?” Stiles asks quietly.

“A few broken ribs and a broken arm,” Scott says. Stiles frowns at him.

“Look, I know you handle medicine, but that’s in the animal department, not the people department,” he says, crossing his arms.

“Well, if you hadn’t been passed out you would’ve found out before me when Mom called you again,” Scott says flatly.

“Are we seriously having an argument right now?” Mrs. McCall asks from behind both of them, looking as intimidating as she can in her pink scrubs. Stiles slumps his shoulders.

“Sorry,” he says. “I was just going to tell your son that-”

“That you’re in love with him and you didn’t get the chance to and now you feel awful. Yes. Scott told me,” Mrs. McCall says. Stiles stares at Scott, wounded. Scott just stares back at Stiles. “Why don’t we sit outside and chat for a little, huh? Scott, can you stay in here with your brother?”

Scott nods, jerking his head at Stiles.

“If he wakes up, I’ll let you know,” he mouths. Stiles smiles at him as he follows Mrs. McCall out of the hospital room and onto an uncomfortable waiting bench.

“Look, Stiles,” Mrs. McCall starts. “It’s really no mystery to me that you’re in love with my son. With Derek. And you have to believe me, I’m really alright with that.” She smiles. “It’d be good to have at least one sane head in the family.”

“Well there’s Laura,” Stiles points out. Mrs. McCall laughs.

“Oh honey, you didn’t raise her,” she says, wrapping an arm around Stiles. They stay like that for a while, Stiles basking comfortably in this strange maternal affection from Mrs. McCall. “You have to believe,” she starts again, quiet. “You have to believe me when I say that you’re good for Derek. You’re the first person to make him smile this much after Kate happened. He loves you, Stiles. Even if he doesn’t say it, he loves you with his entire being.”

“I know,” Stiles whispers back. “He told me while I was sleeping.”

Mrs. McCall looks at him, a small sweet smile on her face.

“Make sure you tell him,” she says. “You need to tell him. Everyone wants to hear that they’re loved. Tell him a million times.”

“If you’re giving me the same speech you gave Scott when he discovered that he was head over butt for Allison,” Stiles mock-threatens. Mrs. McCall giggles.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t really all original content,” she says. Scott raps on the window, peering at them from between the blinds, making a thumbs up signal. Stiles’ breath catches in his throat. Mrs. McCall stands up and then helps Stiles up with a firm hand.

“Ready?” she asks, squeezing Stiles’ hand.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he says. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she says, sweeping Stiles into her arms for a hug. “Now man up and tell your boyfriend you love him.” Stiles blushes.

“Oh my _god_ , you don’t have to say it in _public_ ,” he hisses playfully before opening the door. Mrs. McCall just winks at him. Scott gags as Stiles walks into the room.

“You have my entire family on your finger, it’s disgusting,” he says, punching Stiles’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry that I’m so likable,” Stiles responds, rubbing his shoulder. “And ow.”

Scott sticks his tongue out at him.

“Go profess your Big Gay Love,” he says. Stiles snorts.

“Shut up.”

And with that, the door snicks closed. Stiles sits down in the chair left next to the hospital bed. Derek’s eyelids flutter open.

“Stiles?” he asks, reaching for him.

“Hey, creeper,” Stiles replies, grabbing Derek’s hands and lacing their fingers together. “What happened this morning?”

“Idiot came out of nowhere when I was…” Derek breathes heavily. “When I was walking to the grocery store to buy stuff to make you breakfast.”

“I love you,” Stiles blurts. Derek looks at him funny.

“What?’ he says. “You love the fact that I make you breakfast, or the fact that I got hit by a car, or…?”

“No, _you_ , I love _you_ , you giant asshat!” Stiles shouts, squeezing Derek’s hand maybe a little too tightly. If it is too tight, Derek’s face doesn’t show it. “Everything about your flawless gorgeous self! The fact that my well-being is your priority, the fact that you care so goddamn much, the fact that you listen to me when I ramble; Derek McCall-Hale, _I love you_.”

Derek’s lips pucker before his face splits into a smile.

“Wow, how long were you working on _that_ one?” he asks. Stiles leans back in the chair and flounces. Well, as much as it is possible to flounce in a chair without getting up.

“Derek McCall-Hale, your wonderful motor-mouth of a boyfriend just professed his Big Gay Love for you and all you can do at a time like this is _joke_?!”

“What?” Derek says, laughing a bit. “It’s almost like I fell into a romcom.”

Stiles rolls his eyes.

“What are you talking about, that was the most manly Big Gay Love confession _ever_ in the history of Big Gay Love confessions.”

“Well,” Derek says, pulling Stiles’ hand close to his chest. “Stiles, I love you. I love your words, I love your heart, I love everything about you.”

Stiles blinks.

“Oh my god, you’re right, it’s like we _did_ fall into a romcom,” he says flatly. Derek tosses Stiles’ hand off his chest.

“Get outta here,” he says playfully. Stiles just plants a giant one on Derek’s face.

“I love youuuuu,” he drawls. Derek groans.

“No, we are _not_ a romcom, we _cannot_ be a romcom.”

“Oh trust me, if you had the full faculties to do something to me right now, it’d be pretty romcom-worthy,” Stiles ribs, standing up and spinning around. The door clicks open and Scott gags.

“You two are _disgusting_ ,” he breathes.

“You and Allison are worse!” Stiles singsongs. Derek looks at his brother darkly.

“Just for that, we’re having obnoxiously loud sex when I’m better,” he says. Scott whines.

“What? Why? I was just saying that you guys are just so _mooshy_ ,” Scott protests. Stiles just skips back over to Derek’s bedside and kisses his boyfriend.

“You make me suffer with Allison, so here’s some of what it feels like,” he says, mischievous smile on his face.

“Oh my _god_ , I won’t make out with her or tell you any details ever _again_ just please stop _kissing my brother in front of me holy god_ ,” Scott says before running out of the room.

“Was that in one breath?” Stiles asks, mouth agape. “Because if that was, I’m impressed because even _I_ can’t do that.”

Derek smirks.

“Looks like Motor-Mouth has been bested once again.”

“If you weren’t in a cast, I’d punch you,” Stiles says. Derek laughs.

“You love me,” he says.

“Rethinking it,” Stiles replies, crossing his arms.

“You’re not helping this be any less of a romcom,” Derek teases.

“I give up!” Stiles says, throwing his hands in the air. “There is just _no_ way to win with you!” Derek grabs at Stiles’ pant legs, eventually dragging him down for a kiss.

“Because there’s nothing better to win than _you_ ,” Derek breathes. Stiles gags.

“It’s like you _want_ to be in a romcom,” he says. Derek chuckles.

“Love you too.”


End file.
